🎬 A formal, yet slightly unconventional, video call. The French President sits at his desk in the Élysée Palace.
An off-screen interviewer, addressing him as "Herr Chancellor" and claiming to be Friedrich Merz, begins the conversation.
Interviewer (Friedrich Merz):
Mr. Macron, it is a pleasure, though I confess, a surprise. We have not spoken recently. What would you say is the current relationship between France and Germany? You have very close ties, but currently, one does not hear a lot about them.
Emmanuel Macron:
You are astute to notice that, Herr Chancellor. The ties remain fundamentally strong, of course—historically, economically, culturally, France and Germany are inextricably linked. But it is true, the warmth of recent years has cooled somewhat.
Interviewer:
Would you say that you had a stronger relationship with Mutti, also called Angela Merkel?
Emmanuel Macron:
Ah, Mutti, yes. With Madame Merkel, there was a shared history, a long cultivation of trust. We navigated many storms together. It was, let us say, a very comfortable partnership. Chancellor Scholz has a different style. We are building a rapport, but it requires more time.
Interviewer:
Here’s a man who appreciates details. But Olaf Scholz is gone. The first man in the state is now Friedrich Merz. I am Friedrich Merz.
Emmanuel Macron:
Oh, I see. My apologies, Herr Chancellor. A clear lapse in intelligence. It seems my information is outdated.
Interviewer:
Coming back to Mutti—what made that relationship so special? It wasn't simply age, because Mrs. Merkel was quite a bit older than you.
Emmanuel Macron:
It was a shared understanding of Europe’s fragility, of the weight of history. We both understood that cooperation was not simply desirable, it was essential. She had seen so much, weathered so many crises. I respected that. She was born in the former GDR, you know. That gave her a sense of pragmatism, a willingness to compromise, but also a steeliness.
Interviewer:
So, have you called her? And what about the expression the Germans use—"Mutti"? Why would they call her that?
Emmanuel Macron:
Ah, yes. It’s a rather curious nickname, wouldn’t you agree? It’s closest to "mommy" or "mother," but an even more personal style.
Interviewer:
Do you also have a special name in the French nation? What would the French people call you?
Emmanuel Macron:
That is a complex question. Initially, some media referred to me as "Jupiter," referencing the Roman god of authority. More recently, "Manu" is acceptable and affectionate, though it lacks the maternal warmth of "Mutti."
Interviewer:
The problem is you are rather young. If you were older, you would have more respect. They couldn’t really call you "Papa."
Emmanuel Macron:
You are remarkably direct, Herr Chancellor. Age does confer gravitas. "Papa" lacks the necessary authority. One must earn respect.
Interviewer:
What was your nickname when you studied at school?
Emmanuel Macron:
"Manu"—a shortening of Emmanuel. There were also a few less charitable nicknames involving my intense debates with teachers, but I prefer to leave those buried in the past.
Interviewer:
What was your favorite book at school?
Emmanuel Macron:
The Plague by Albert Camus. The existential themes, the examination of human nature in the face of adversity—it resonated deeply with me. It explored ideas of responsibility and solidarity that I still grapple with today.
Interviewer:
Did you read Russian writers? German literature?
Emmanuel Macron:
Tolstoy and Dostoyevsky, yes. And Goethe, of course. Faust is a magnificent exploration of ambition. But I believe we are venturing into territory that is… inappropriate.
Interviewer:
What about Ringelnatz? The poet?
Emmanuel Macron:
I confess I am unfamiliar. My knowledge of German poetry is limited.
Interviewer:
(Recites a poem) "Millionen Augen / schaun mich an / wie der Thunfisch / die Torte in der Bin / ist oft weniger / als der Reifenreiser." That is genius.
✦ Poem fragment – Joachim Ringelnatz style ✦
"Million eyes look at me / like the tuna / the cake in the bin / is often less / than the tire traveler."
Emmanuel Macron:
A charming little ditty, Herr Chancellor. An allegory, perhaps, about the futility of ambition. I am beginning to see the appeal.
Interviewer:
One last question. What is your favorite meal?
Emmanuel Macron:
A rather direct question, but I enjoy simplicity: a perfectly prepared sole meunière. Or a good Brie with fresh bread. It is not about the expense, but the quality.
Interviewer:
Do you buy your own baguettes in Paris?
Emmanuel Macron:
I do occasionally enjoy a morning stroll to my local boulangerie. The aroma of fresh bread, the ritual—it grounds me. Sometimes I employ discreet attire, a baseball cap and a hoodie, so people do not recognize me.
Interviewer:
Can you drive?
Emmanuel Macron:
I can. There is freedom in it, a sense of control. A classic Citroën, actually.
Interviewer:
Do you have a smartphone?
Emmanuel Macron:
I do, as a necessity. It is a French brand, for national security. I cannot disclose the specific model. But I find constant connectivity exhausting. I often long for simpler communications.
Interviewer:
What is your full name?
Emmanuel Macron:
Emmanuel Jean-Michel Frédéric Macron. But please, I must inform you that our call will conclude in approximately one minute. It has been a unique experience, Herr Chancellor. Feel free to reconnect later.
— End of Macron Interview —